“Am I a good person? Deep down, do I even really want to be a good person, or do I only want to seem like a good person so that people (including myself) will approve of me? Is there a difference? How do I ever actually know whether I’m bullshitting myself, morally speaking?” – David Foster Wallace
Things that make you go hmmmm…..
I think it takes a certain amount of heartbreak sometimes to learn how to love…when the one you love becomes that heartbreak there maybe nothing else that you can do but remember what you’ve learned as to not make the same mistake twice.
My bestfriend said that in a relationship the man has to love his women a little more because a man is a creature that feels he needs to conquer. Giving to much of yourself counterbalances the dynamic between a man and a woman.
See John Mayer – Wheel
“A promise is a comfort for a fool.”
The one thing that I desperately seek and yet the one thing that continuously gets me in trouble.
“A general stance of Buddhism is that it is inappropriate to hold a veiw that is logically inconsistent. This is taboo. But even more taboo that holding a view that is logically inconsistent is holding a view that goes against direct experience.” -The Dali Lama
You know when things are not right….to deny that is crazy and it makes you crazy…or me crazy. I think some may see this as insanity….
“Growth begins when we begin to accept our own weakness” – Jean Vanier
It has been 5 months since my last post and I have learned more about life in that time than I have in the past 30 years. Honestly, growth has taken place over the past 2 to 3 years at a very rapid rate. I have learned to acknowledge and accept my weaknesses and from there I am learning to be a better person. I do not believe that one can learn to be a better person if he or she holds on to the mistakes that were once made. Those mistakes serve as a reminder of the person you once were and not the person that you wish to become. These events or lessons rather, have to become apart of my story, my history, and what makes me who I am. As I branch out and learn more about people; I learn that this is the case for many.
I began writing this blog to speak about the organization of life and home. I hoped that my story would help others to not feel so alone as they go through the life changes that I am going through now. One of the things that I have learned is that organization starts internally. The turmoil within has to be subdued so that organization can be outwardly displayed and more importantly, before if can be shared and passed along. My life has been a whirlwind of thoughts, ideas, doubts and questions; all of which I feel a strong urgency to answer and figure out. I don’t think that I have ever really been alone and because of that I have never been forced to figure things out on my own. I have come to believe that it is almost impossible to follow a path or even create a path with so much uncertainty. As I think about it; I am sure that I am not having any type of epiphany that hasn’t been had before, which is what makes this all so hard. It has all made me question why this has taken me so long to figure out. But to my relief, I am learning that this is all apart of life and to judge this experience against someone else’s dulls the experience and hides the true lesson. I have read that being able to relate to others and have others relate to you is an essential part of happiness. When people think about others and what they are going through, it should only be to relate to them and even empathize.
Life’s experiences are unique to each and everyone of us. I felt like I was playing catch up but as time went by I realized that it doesn’t matter. As long as we learn and make changes, even if it takes the lost of something or someone you love or gaining the same thing; it is a necessary event to get you where you are.
I wish that I would have finished this post the night that I began it, but even a few days later I am happy with my message. I am excited and motivated by the progress I have made so far and I anticipate my future and the future of my family.